...then comes marriage?

I haven't read fiction for a long, long time, but yesterday while returning a book to the library, I saw a cheesy Christian romance novel by Robin Jones Gunn on the new acquisition shelf. I couldn't resist, since back in junior high, I gobbled up her novels, and this book was about the characters I already knew so well. The first chapter opens with a scene at Christy and Todd's wedding--the place her last Christy book left off seven-ish years ago--and by the middle of the book, Tracy and Doug have had their first child. The youngest character is probably Katie at 21, the oldest is around 25. Everybody's in transition and adjusting to new phases of life, just like me and my friends.

It wasn't high-brow lit, but it was fun catching up with the characters and surprising, though natural, I suppose, to see them quite differently. In 9th grade, reading about Christy's college years and eventual engagement felt a long way off, but picking up at the same place in their lives from a different place in mine provided an interesting mirror. Huh. I'm there, aren't I? I don't have to look up at them anymore. I just look around me, and these are the people I know.

I am officially (awkwardly) entering that stage of life in which people I know get married and have children. None of my close friends have kids yet, thank God--I don't know how I'd make sense of the world if I were that old. But several acquaintances that are a couple years older than me, or even a year younger, already have babies. I have friends--not 33-year-old IV staff friends but peer friends--that are parents? Holy crap.

Much more frequently, people are marrying. Bob and Caroline last weekend. Kathryn and Chris in June. And then the closest friend of mine to get married is Betsey, who tied the knot with Luke two weeks ago. I've officially decided nobody I'm considerably tight with is allowed to get married to a while. And I don't know that they will. Yet, other acquaintances and friends continue to announce engagements. James and Emily. Kat and Fitz. Josh and Jennifer. Susan and Jason. Yikes. The list goes on.

The strangest part, I think, is knowing that my whole world is about to change: seminary is full of the married and marriageable. Futhermore, I'm about to leave a university that's almost 2/3 female to enter an educational setting that's largely male--as I understand it Fuller is fairly even as a whole, but the School of Theology is closer to 2/3 men. It boggles my mind to imagine many of my classmates being men that are several years older than me, married, or both. Will I feel left out? Will it be awkward? Could it be real fun, even a blessing?

Such situations also invite wishful thinking. It's been a long while since I've seriously flirted with anyone, much less dated. Could I even find myself in a serious relationship in the next couple years? Who knows. I'll be turning 24 or 25 when I graduate from Fuller, and I think it's likely I'll have at least been on a couple dates by then. Not even thinking about marriage, just thinking about having a boyfriend for the first time since high school is a pretty wow/way-out-there concept right now. The married people, the 22-35 crowd, and the number of men all swirled together make one large serving of crazy.

After starting and finishing the book yesterday and experiencing a weddingless Saturday for the first time in a couple weeks, I must have thought it was my turn, because I had a dream last night about my own marriage. (Amanda will be interested to know that he was white--surprise, surprise.) About two weeks post-wedding, I was looking at the photos, and it still seemed surreal. And apparently, we hadn't exactly done anything to help it seem otherwise. Due to our upcoming move to California, we'd decided to skip the honeymoon for now, waiting to go in 6-9 months when we truly needed a vacation. In my wack dream, though, without the honeymoon we'd never gotten around to having sex, which led me to consider an annulment. I don't know much about the laws about how quickly one must apply, but I was thinking, Gosh, I don't even really know him or why I married him. He seems ok, but I'm just a little freaked out by this. Why do I want to do this, again? Maybe I just want to wait another five or fifty years...

When I woke up, I was still feeling somewhat panicked. I admit, I keep forgetting I'm just 21. I keep thinking I've already turned 22 or even that I'm 23, since lots of my friends are a bit older. But when it comes to thinking marriage, I feel 17 again. Is it even legal at my age? How would anyone have met someone to marry anyway? And, wait, does that mean they're real adults? I think I'm glad to have married friends now so that it's not such a shock to settle down in Fuller student housing next to couples and young kids. Still, I have a feeling that for the first several months of my being there, it's gonna feel pretty darn wack.